Show me love.

I'm tired of finding my way to you from where I am now, I'm sick of losing my way all the time, and always having to go back to where I was before, I'm sick of cutting through the vines that connects me to you, and knowing that it's never-ending, I'm sick of reaching out to you, but your hands aren't out for me to grab. I'm tired, tired of love.

It used to be so sweet, and it used to be beautiful. Really, I thought I had a chance, but only now do I realise I'm nothing compared to him. I know I have to fight on, to press on, then only can I reach out to her, but how long? How much longer must I keep on fighting a losing battle till a miracle comes? I feel like giving up, I really do, I don't even know myself and my feelings anymore, I don't know whether I should keep fighting on, or just walk away like everything else I did halfway, all the stupid mistakes and all the painful failures. What must I do? What must I fight for?

Looking back, I really thank my friends for all the help they gave, all the hope and blessings they have and have given me, I seriously do. And I know if I give it all up now, it's not gonna be funny, it's not gonna be 'okay', hell, it'll tear me apart, and it'll put everything they did for me go to waste. Yet if I continue fighting on, I'll just slowly kill myself, maybe I'll even find more adversaries along the way, and sooner or later, I know I'll give it up.

But is this what I really want? Just giving it up? Sure, it might bring me peace and silence, but would it bring me happiness? Would it bring me the love, that I longed for? No, it won't. Love's all the way out there, amidst the pain, sorrow and tears. It's a long road there, and I've walked half of it. The journey's still long, and it's going to hurt more, but I know if I pull this through, I'd be the happiest guy alive. It would bring me happiness, I'm sure of it, but joy brings about pain and suffering, but only with them can happiness really be called happiness. The most painful happiness is the only true one, for without pain, happiness is undefined, and for without pain, nobody knows what happiness feels like.

I can't find my resolve yet, but I told myself I would do it. I will pull this through, and once I'm at the end, I'll look back and laugh at the old times, and realise what a fool I was. I don't want peace and serenity, I want the chance to be able to enjoy true happiness, to feel true love, and to gaze in each other's eyes and embrace each other's soul. That's what I want, and for it, I would fight on, for me, for you, and for our story, one that I would love to weave.

It's a long road to love, but since I'm lost to you, I guess I wouldn't mind.