Never good enough / Step by step
I always have the thought, that I'm never good enough, that if I work with others, I'll pull him down in his potential, that I'll be too huge a burden. Personally, I thought it was 'knowing your limits', but after time passes, I find it's a catastrophic thought, a very destructive and unempowering habit.
As a teenager, I'm always under the pressure of lack of confidence, and this one, is by far one of the worst. It not only doesn't let me feel good about myself, it puts me in a distorted and 'self-conscious' state whenever I work with others, I feel that me being in this work would pull them down, and this would hinder my full capability. It scares me some times, since it's too strong, that it somehow even pulls me away from wanting to befriend others, with fear that I'll end up disappointing them. Hedgehog's dilemma? I totally agree.
Anyway, today was COE ICT! Was bloody frightened man, there were like 400 people, and 2 MCs, plus a bigger downside was that the other MC was even worse off than me! He staggered in his talking, and was trembling like Godknowswhat, and that didn't help at all. Instead I got more nervous, it wasn't even funny.But anyway, part of the event was talks by Professors, so we had a lot of time backstage. I can't believe I actually fell asleep. Yes, that's how boring it is.
Since Liu Jing mentioned a very good point, I shall write it down then. :) Well, personally, old habits die hard, and you know, sometimes when you have the chance, you tend to not have the guts to do it? Yea, that's what happening. I'm supposed to approach the girl, but instead the girl started the conversation? What the hell? What kind of guy am I!? AHHHHH, DAMMIT, GIVE ME SOME COURAGE! Everytime, standard procedure, I won't take my chance, then walk away realising how stupid I was and finally woeing. My God, I have to change.
As a teenager, I'm always under the pressure of lack of confidence, and this one, is by far one of the worst. It not only doesn't let me feel good about myself, it puts me in a distorted and 'self-conscious' state whenever I work with others, I feel that me being in this work would pull them down, and this would hinder my full capability. It scares me some times, since it's too strong, that it somehow even pulls me away from wanting to befriend others, with fear that I'll end up disappointing them. Hedgehog's dilemma? I totally agree.
Anyway, today was COE ICT! Was bloody frightened man, there were like 400 people, and 2 MCs, plus a bigger downside was that the other MC was even worse off than me! He staggered in his talking, and was trembling like Godknowswhat, and that didn't help at all. Instead I got more nervous, it wasn't even funny.But anyway, part of the event was talks by Professors, so we had a lot of time backstage. I can't believe I actually fell asleep. Yes, that's how boring it is.
Since Liu Jing mentioned a very good point, I shall write it down then. :) Well, personally, old habits die hard, and you know, sometimes when you have the chance, you tend to not have the guts to do it? Yea, that's what happening. I'm supposed to approach the girl, but instead the girl started the conversation? What the hell? What kind of guy am I!? AHHHHH, DAMMIT, GIVE ME SOME COURAGE! Everytime, standard procedure, I won't take my chance, then walk away realising how stupid I was and finally woeing. My God, I have to change.
TAG REPLIES
Mat : Nonsensical, I'm always here. And will forever be. :)
Craig : Thanks dude! Glad you like it.
Liu Jing : Everyone' hot after Photoshop, including you. :D
Wenqi and Shankar : HELLO! :D
Alison : Wassup!
Stephanie : YES, I DID! Haha, no worries!
Immaloveeric : I love you too hun! :D
Yourlovingsenior : Yea, it's immaloveeric. He's so lovely. <3
Jose : Linked!
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