It didn't feel like a dream, it didn't feel imaginary. In fact, it felt pretty darn real and reasonable.
Truthfully, I didn't really give it a single thought when you said it was not possible, and neither did I feel sad. Maybe I conjured these sadness into a state of denial, but at that point in time, I couldn't care less about what's happening, I couldn't care less of losing you. I just treated every single day as normal, and totally blanked my mind of anything do to with you.
But little did I know, that actually, it's tearing me up inside. Days pass and weeks fly, and bit by bit, I felt insanely ridiculous, I felt empty, I felt distant from the world and myself, I felt lost. But I just brushed it off, although I knew that it had to do with something about you. And guess what, I was right.
Now, the dream wasn't violent or sadistic like my previous post, nor was it far-fetched. Truth be told, it was real as hell, and that's why it hurts so bad.
It was a simple dream. I dreamed about the worst thing that could happen to you when you like a person - no, not her dying, dammit. But it was close, I lost her, to another guy.
Shit, I didn't carry the same attitude as in real life. I felt frustrated, I felt like blowing my brain to a million pieces seeing you cuddle with that lover of yours, I felt insane, I felt crestfallen, I felt.. That I lost something very dear to me, and I know it's never coming back, that it's disappearing away from my world, and sadly, I think it was the right choice for her to do so.
I woke up, and even after such a bad dream, I felt back to reality, I felt that I'm being true to my feelings, that as much as I want to forget her, I can't. And that was basically the only point in time in these couple of months that I felt really afraid of losing you.
But sadly, unlike fairytales we're so used of hearing, the vagabond didn't try to win the princess' heart. No, instead, he's letting her disappear, right before his very eyes, wanting to do something to salvage it, but never having the guts to do it. And I hate myself for that, that I'm not strong enough to fight for the ones I treat dear, not being courageous enough to stand after falling, and the one I despise most about myself was, that I didn't try my best in winning her heart. And I guess, that dream was right after all, I'm a scumbag, it's only right that she chooses someone else, someone who'd be able to give his all for her - her prince charming.
And sadly, I'm never gonna be that guy.
TAG REPLIES
SWEEKEE : You know, I don't know. ._. Unless..?
saddist : LOL WHAT TIAN SAID!
tian : Hehehe, I rock more can! :O
Jayne : Haha, maybe when I've got some good ones. :) Besides, I'm not photogenic HAHA.
JANICE : WALL OF SPAM, OMFG. And nope, don't know how you look like.
Nasir : Sup noob.
m0nkey : HAHA, really meh!?
som1 : HMM! Misheru!? Hahaha, why sia. -.-
dust blower :D : Tsk! Not dead yet okay!
